Goodbye My Lover
by Superman Skank
Summary: Alice is involved in a fight with another vampire and does not survive. After the funeral Jasper goes to a meadow for some alone time. A song he remembers helps him with his grieving thoughts. Songfic.


**I've used my own interpertations of the lyrics to create this fic, and I understand that not everybody will agree with how I have understood the lyrics because we all have different opinions.**

**Synopsis: Alice is involved in a fight with another vampire and does not survive. After the funeral Jasper goes to a meadow for some alone time. A song he remembers helps him with his grieving thoughts.**

**Song: Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt**

**Jasper's POV**

* * *

He had to leave, he couldn't stay with the others in that house. It was the silence that he could not stand. Nobody really knew what to say, they just sat there wallowing in their sadness and grief. The sadness and grief that Jasper had to endure, besides his own. He had been strong over the past few days, taking every feeling as it came, but now was the moment that he could no longer bear the torture. And so, after the funeral, Jasper slipped away from his family instead of following them back to the house for another night of silence and pain.

He walked for a while until he came across a deserted yet beautiful meadow. Jasper just sat there in the long deep green grass that blew softly in the breeze, letting the golden sun beam down on his honey curls and turn his skin in to a glittering awe, and watched the wind turn the grass in to long, whispering ripples around the meadow.

As Jasper let his mind wonder, he discovered a song trying to break through his thoughts. It took him a while to recognise it as a song that had played on the radio in the early hours of the morning as he and Alice had drove down a maze of narrow country lanes. They had gone on the drive in hopes of calming Alice after she had had an unsettling vision. Jasper smiled slightly at the memory of them both, and the more he allowed himself to think of that night the easier the song flooded, clearly now, in to his mind.

And, with great surprise, he discovered that the words related perfectly to his situation.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_  
_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

Jasper blamed himself completely for Alice's death. He should have been there to protect and save her, why had he left her? He was always by her side, watching in the distance for any danger that may come her way, and the one time it would have counted to have him stood there he was miles out of reach. The others had try to console him of course, it didn't matter how much they tried to assure of comfort him, the guilt would always remain.

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,_  
_Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won._

Jasper knew from the moment his relationship with Alice began that it would end someday. He knew it would because Alice was so much better than him. He always feared that one day she would realise that fact and leave him. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had. Alice was too good for him, she was on a whole other level. Jasper hadn't expected an end like this, but he had expected one all the same.

_So I took what's mine by eternal right._  
_Took your soul out into the night._

Despite his fears, Jasper went off in to a new world with Alice because he knew he couldn't let her go. He had been willing to risk future rejection just for the time he would get with her.

_It may be over but it won't stop there,_  
_I am here for you if you'd only care._

Although she was gone she still owned his heart. No other person would ever have that right as long as Jasper still lived. He knew that Alice was never coming back, but that didn't mean he wasn't still there for her. Although others may think it useless for him to carry on loving her that way, it wasn't going to stop him. Alice may have be gone but Jasper was still there.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul._  
_You changed my life and all my goals._

His past didn't matter anymore because Alice had changed his present, and his future, too. If it hadn't been for her Jasper knew that he would still be roaming around the South with Maria, causing death and destruction and despair where ever he went. Alice had been the only person to truly reach Jasper and touch him purely. He would always be grateful for that.

_And love is blind and that I knew when,_  
_My heart was blinded by you._

Jasper thought he had understood what was meant by "love is blind", but only when he fell in love with Alice did he realise what it truly meant. He had never realised before that love could tighten you in such a strong grip that all of the problems in the world were invisible. At the time he didn't care that he was blind to everything and everyone around him, because it was only Alice he wanted to see.

_I've kissed your lips and held your head._  
_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

He would miss those intimate moments with her. He'd miss the warmth of her tiny, soft rose bud lips that looked as though they belonged on a cherub. He'd miss just holding her small, delicate body against his own and stroking her impossibly smooth skin whilst she whispered in to his ear all of her hopes and dreams. She'd never get to fulfill them now.

_I know you well, I know your smell._  
_I've been addicted to you._

Some people thought that vampires all posessed the same heavenly scent, but Alice's scent had been something more beautiful and incredible than the sweetest flower in the garden of Eden. Jasper could sit for hours beside her, simply breathing her in and feeling a rare warmth burst like flames in his chest, flowing throughout his whole body. Jasper knew that if he could bottle that soft smell he'd never set the bottle down. It was a scent he was going to struggle to live without.

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

Alice hadn't just been his lover, she had been his best friend. Sometimes, in his darkest hours, it had felt like she was his only friend. She had well and truly been the person he had spent so long searching for.

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

Jasper knew that even if all of the women in the world were lined up in front of him, he would never find anybody more perfect for him than Alice. She had been the one.

_I am a dreamer and when I wake,_  
_You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take._

Jasper felt as if Alice had ripped away all of his hopes and dreams. What was the point in him fulfilling them anymore, without her?

_And as you move on, remember me,_  
_Remember us and all we used to be_

Although he understood that Alice was gone, he hoped that she would not forget everything they had been through. Jasper struggled to imagine how anybody who had been involved in such a whirlwind of love could forget all about it, even in death.

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._  
_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

Jasper had been through every possible emotion with Alice. Thanks to his power he had had a deeper understanding than the others, something that had made them even closer. She couldn't cry of course, but Jasper had seen sadness in her eyes that could have produced tears. He had also seen her smile and laugh gloriously, her happy face lighting up the whole room brighter than the sun. She couldn't sleep either, but he had seen her lie peacefully with her golden eyes closed, so still that she could have fooled anyone.

_I'd be the father of your child._  
_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

Alice couldn't carry a child but Jasper knew that it was one of her dreams to. He knew how the fact hurt her and had seen her upset about it many times. Jasper would have done anything to make that dream happen for Alice. He would have spent a night in Hell if it would have brought them a child of their own.

_I know your fears and you know mine._  
_We've had our doubts but now we're fine,_

Alice's fears didn't matter anymore, because nothing could harm her now. There was no doubt now that she was safe and peaceful.

_And I love you, I swear that's true._  
_I cannot live without you._

He did love her. God, did he love her. She was the reason for his entire existance. How was he supposed to get by now without her guiding him? She was the only person who truly believed that he could control his thirst. She consoled him, she helped him, what was he going to do without her support? It was Alice who had died, but Jasper felt as if it was him who was dead. His future looked very uncertain now.

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

Alice was his true lover.

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

She was his very best friend.

_And I still hold your hand in mine._  
_In mine when I'm asleep._

He would never let go. She would always been in his thoughts, in his arms, in his heart. He had an imagination, and Jasper was determined to use it.

_And I will bear my soul in time,_  
_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

_..._

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

She was the one.

_Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

The only one.

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._  
_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

Every part of him felt empty and deserted. Even his heavy heart was sprinkled with holes. Jasper was the master of emotions, but it seemed that now he couldn't feel anymore. Even the feelings of other people didn't fill him properly. He was so empty inside.

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._  
_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

He was so empty without Alice.


End file.
